Patience

When I was young - like Sunday school young - I was told by my pastor that I should be careful what I pray for. Careful because God is not like Santa; He does not usually hand us what we ask for. He usually places the request at the end of a lesson so that we walk away transformed. Just as the famous Chinese prophecy states: give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.

I took this very seriously, and very literally.

There is one beatitude that I know (and others have commented that) I lack. Funny enough, it is the first one. Love is patient… 1 Corinthians 13:4.

¹pa·tient

adjective \ˈpā-shənt\

: able to remain calm and not become annoyed when waiting for a long time or when dealing with problems or difficult people

Middle English pacient, from Anglo-French, from Latin patient-, patiens, from present participle of pati to suffer; perhaps akin to Greek pēma suffering

First Known Use: 14th century

Annoyed. Long time. Difficult. Suffer. Nothing about patience sounds fun. To have patience is a wonderful thing, especially around children. But not everyone is blessed with it, and I, most certainly am not. I am a doer. I want it done now. I want to make a decision and move on. I want to check the project off my list. I want to be heard the moment I have decided what I’d like to say. I do not enjoy waiting. I am the person who wants to skip the journey and just arrive at the destination. Ok, I think you get the picture. So…back to patience.

As my best friend Sarah and my several Epic Life Groups know, I have refused to pray for patience. I’ve also forbid anyone (who wants to remain my friend) to pray for patience for me. I think I’ve learned just enough of patience to muddle through the journey. I have spent so much time being afraid of what the earning of patience would look like. I fear that God will place challenge after challenge in my path to teach me patience. Who would pray for suffering? That sounds insane! Right?

So I started thinking about another time I used to refuse to pray for something. I used to refuse to pray for a parking spot because I thought it was trivial and God had way bigger fish to fry. (I’m pretty sure I’ve told this story on this blog before so I’ll keep it quick.) The moral of the story is, that I decided to give up my preconceived notion of what is trivial in prayer, and ask God for the parking spot he had planned for me where my car is safe and supposed to be. Sometimes it takes 2 minutes, and sometimes it takes 45 (and on those 45 minute times, I have a few choice words for Him). But I learned that if I can be steadfast in prayer on even the trivial things, I will be more likely to trust and go to Him on the big things. Now, while parking in the city can be annoying, I know it’s out of my control because I trust in His plan.

Today I had to write down my prayer requests for my life group. Everyone in my group is going to pray for me throughout the day. They are going to take my desires, fears and needs and lift them up all day long. While being completely humbled by this knowledge, I am also pretty excited. Excited for the work God will do with the words of my friends. So…I decided that today was a good day to start my journey to patience. I’m hoping that God sees that I have already learned so much patience from the many years of fighting Him on this that I don’t actually have that far to come. (Wishful thinking I’m sure.) But mostly, I’m hoping that I can honestly find peace in the process of waiting. Waiting on a new job. Waiting on my husband. Waiting on visiting home and holding my niece. Waiting on my finances to allow me to take a summer to travel the world. Waiting on my body to find running an enjoyable pass time. Waiting on God to soften my heart, light my path, and fill my soul. I’m hoping the pati (suffering) is not nearly as bad as I have imagined, so in this challenge and in this prayer, I will be BRAVE.