Science and medicine must have a little bit of magic. To make people feel better and to find ways to make them whole. I spent several nights and many hours at CHOP (Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania) last week with some friends of mine. Their little girl had brain surgery. She was born with a condition where her skull doesn't grow properly and only grows front to back, not side to side. In most cases, this condition does not cause a medical problem, but there is a 15% chance that an emergency could arise and she would have to have surgery. So instead of taking the risk, my friends decided to have the surgery now. It happens in 2 stages. The first, last week, consisted of removing the back portion of her skull and reshaping it before replacing it. In November, she will have the front half of her skull removed, reshaped and replaced. The doctors at CHOP are the best in the world and Zoey had no complications with her first surgery. That, is a little bit of magic.
I visited several times to keep my friends company and to watch and pray over Zoey. She turned 2 just a few weeks ago. And it didn't hit me until I was there the first night, seeing her head in bandages, arms in "braces" to keep her from pulling at the IVs, seeing a drain tube sewn into her skull, that this must be unimaginable for a parent. When I looked at 2 year old little Zoey, I saw LG. I felt the fear, helplessness, hope and love that her parents must have felt for months on end waiting for their little girl to get better. I felt closer to LG's parents than ever and I was again reminded of the "magic of medicine" that gives children like Zoey and LG a second chance at a normal, exciting, lease on life.
I am doing ok these days. Spending time at the hospital was actually very therapeutic. It's not a scary place to me anymore, especially after my own stay. It is a place that I feel at home, and I feel love all around. My friend Jodi suggested I be a "cuddler" in the nursery, and while I laughed, I actually think I might love volunteering in some capacity at a children's hospital. I looked into this briefly right after my donation, but I think after my work travel season is over, I may look into it much more seriously...especially if I move into the city where I'll be closer to the hospital.
Lately I've been questioning my purpose in life. Friend, daughter, sister...but wife? mother? When you can't see things right in front of you, usually it is easiest to doubt their existence or their potential to exist. I think it's because God still wants me to learn some things. What those things are change daily...maybe that's the point. Since my Mom's relapse, I continue to find myself unsettled. Reluctant to make long term plans or commit...even though she is doing great and seems to have quite a healthy road ahead of her. I think it's driven by fear. If I settle and become complacent, everything will get turned on it's head? Is sacrificing worth the wait? Probably not....it's the journey, not the destination. Maybe I need to get that as my next tattoo. hahaha. Maybe now I'll spend some time looking for a little magic in my everyday life.
