Acts of Service

Happy December 2013! I feel the need to write the year because I’m pretty sure that I have not updated this blog since the early half of 2013. (I’m writing this before logging in to check because I’m afraid that I am right.) And there is no excuse except to say….I’ve been busy living! If you’re reading this, you’re probably a close friend on Facebook so you haven’t missed much because I post just about everything there, including tons of selfies and lots of made-up hashtags, and I get a lot of flak for them. But, I’ve decided, despite my people pleasing tendencies, I’m going to keep documenting my life the only way I know how…until I have someone to help me….and then I think those pics are called groupies. Haha!

There is a lot to catch up on and I will catch you up on Charlotte, and my Mom, and my sister’s Ironman journey (she completed her first triathlon today and took 2^nd place in her age group!), and my gorgeous and perfect baby niece Sevina Sue (Sevi Sue as I like to call her), and Jami, and Grand Cayman, and my brother’s wedding, and getting two new tattoos and meeting boys….but first, I want to share my heart.

So…this has been a pretty great year. It has been a year filed with love and joy and adventure and clean PET scans for everyone I love. But some days, I feel like something is missing. And that is completely fine (and normal….I keep telling myself). So, while traveling for work in early October, I decided to read The Five Love Languages For Singles, by Gary Chapman. It’s pretty much the same as the original Five Love Languages, but he’s phrased much of the application in a way that is a bit more relatable to us many million who have not found (or who have lost) the One. The five love languages are: 1. Physical Touch 2. Words of Affirmation 3. Gifts 4. Quality Time and 5. Acts of Service. First I will say, if you have not read the book or taken the quiz….you should! The quiz is 30 questions and it’s free on the book’s website. It may change your life. It changed mine. If you would have asked me before I read the book and took the quiz what my love language was, I would have said “Acts of Service”; hands down. I love to do things for others and take care of them and surprise them. However…that’s only half of the question. The question really is, “How do you receive love?” How you give it is the second half of that equation, but for 75% of us, those halves are the same answer. So…I read the book and took the quiz. So here are some clues as to my love language:

1.  I love to babysit my friend’s kids so they can have date night.

2.    I got really upset with my Mom last Christmas because she was shopping on Christmas Eve while I was home cooking, cleaning and wrapping gifts. (NOTE: Need I remind you I live 3,000 miles away from her and spend, on average, $450 to visit home for the holidays.)

3.       I love making my chicken dumpling soup for people in need, i.e. new baby, loss, sick, etc.

4.       I yearn for hour long phone conversations with my friends and family who live far away.

5.       I love skyping with the Elske’s and the Rikers!

6.       Pad Thai, bottle of wine, Grey’s and girlfriend(s) is my idea of a perfect girl’s night!

So…Obviously, my love language is Quality Time. In fact, I received an 11/12 on QT, so hands down, it is the way I most receive love. Shockingly, Acts of Service received a 0/12. The others were all in the 5-9 range, so I speak all of those fairly well (although Words of Affirmation was a 9). What I learned about my original hypothesis through this process, was that I show love through Acts of Service because I associate it with Quality Time. But I also learned that I don’t accept Acts of Service; actually, like not at all. I was raised to do acts of service as a way to show love and respect, so when I don’t do it well or when someone does something for me, I associate it with not doing something right or being viewed as not smart enough to do it myself. What this book (and self-reflection, and prayer) is teaching me, is that, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Others are doing things for me because they are speaking their own love language. They are trying to show me they care. They are trying to take care of me. As a 32 year old woman who has been on her own for quite some time, I’m sure you can see why that has been hard to digest. But God is relentless in his teaching and in his timing for answering prayer.

Several weeks ago, I attended church and was really struggling with the way the ushers were “assigning our seats”. I have a certain area in the theatre I have always sat, but I wasn’t allowed. I was frustrated. This is my church and I have my “usual spot”, and I felt they were trying to fit me into a place I didn’t want to be. I was so upset I actually started to cry. My best friend looked at me, hugged me, told me I was a mess, and that we’d get Starbucks after and talk about it. I prayed that God would help me to be present and hear what he had for me and to help me get over this frustration. 2 weeks later I attended church and I went to grab my Boston crème donut before service. As I reached for the tongs, a hospitality server picked them up and offered to serve me the donut of my choice. Through clenched teeth I smiled and pointed to the Boston crème; took my plate and stormed to my seat. I smiled at the usher and then walked to the seat I wanted to sit in, and started to sing along with the worship. I closed my eyes and I asked God why. Why can’t they just let me get my own donut? Why does it make me so angry? And seriously, in an instant, I opened my eyes and started to laugh. Out loud. And my best friend looked to me and said, “What?” And I said, “Their love language is acts of service. They are trying to show me love through serving me.” And in that moment I understood that God was not only laughing with me, but also proud of my earnest attempt to understand communication, grace, and love. See, we can’t only speak our #1 and #2 love language. That would make us not only incomplete, but also incompatible with most people. There are people in my life that show me love through Acts of Service and I need to be able to hear that from them despite my insecurities and stubbornness. More importantly, I was reminded, in that moment, that God answers prayer. While reading the Love Languages, I was challenged to ask God to open my heart to Acts of Service and to begin to learn to feel loved through this language. And in his persistence, I am learning….slowly…but learning. And reminded that he does answer prayers….albeit in His “I have eternity” timing….but he does answer them.

So….here is my update. It’s not about anyone in particular….those will come. But it’s really about a moment of clarity and a challenge to really look at those close to you and try to understand what they are saying to you in their words, touch, actions, time, and gifts during this holiday season. I have a feeling it is so much more than you even realize.

Charlotte, Jami & Summertime Adventures

It has been two months and I have much to update you on. All good of course!

First, I just returned from a visit to Chicago this past weekend. I was there for work and was able to catch up with travel friends. But no visit to Chicago would be complete without visiting my "LG" Charlotte. She and her family (Dad-Lon, Mom-Amy and sister-Molly) traveled the three hours to Chicago after a stop at Lego Land on Saturday. We met for dinner at the Weber Grill. When they arrived, Charlotte came running up to give me a big hug and although it took Molly a few minutes longer, she soon gave me a hug and they both sat on each side of me at dinner. I continue to find my time with the Elske's very easy. We have much to talk about and catch up on and we just genuinely enjoy "hanging out". Charlotte has many stories to tell me about school and sports and Broadway her dog. After dinner, we walked around the city and found ourselves in the Disney "toy" store. It was so fun to watch the girls travel from shelf to rack and name the characters and snuggle toys. They are such polite and well behaved girls and it is really a joy to watch them giggle and laugh. As we walked around the city, the girls would switch hand holders so I would walk with Charlotte for a block and then Molly for a block. I just loved those moments!

Just the girls before dinner at Weber Grill

On Sunday, we met for a day at Navy Pier. The day was warm but there was so much to do. We settled on the Children's Museum and spent about 3 hours running all around. They had a fire station where the girls could dress up and fight fires. A petting station with tons of stuffed animals where Charlotte set up her own farm with horses eating grass and sick puppies visiting the vet. Molly dressed up as every animal under the sun, including a dragon! We also excavated dinosaur bones and when Charlotte found one she exclaimed, "It must be my lucky day!" After completing just about every section, we embarked on lunch and then it was time to say good-bye. But hopefully for not as long as I am hoping to find a spare weekend to visit the Madison, WI area and meet more of the family including Broadway!

Piggyback Ride at Navy Pier

Selfie on the carousel. We have the same favorite carnival ride!

There are no words to describe the joy and peace a child's laughter can bring. I am blessed by the chance to have heard Charlotte's so many times this weekend and am so thankful for the opportunity to know this family. They are truly salt of the earth people who appreciate every day they have with each other and honor others with their kindness and grace. I am so thankful to be a part of their extended family. For more information on Charlotte's journey and some pictures from this weekend, you can check out her blog at: http://cjelske.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/july-14th-2013-day-856/


Second, as many of you may know, my friend Jami was recently featured on the show Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition. If you haven't seen the episode, check it out on www.hulu.com or www.abc.com. It was a fantastic and moving journey of my friend. Jami allowed her vulnerabilities and brokenness to be displayed for the world to see and I believe God meant it to touch thousands (maybe even millions) in a way that only Jami could. She was able to overcome a broken spirit to find her courage, lose weight, get healthy in both mind and body, and visit her birth mother in Chile. I have had the privilege to walk much of this journey with Jami as a friend and a prayer partner and she continues to inspire me daily. She also is keeping a blog about her journey both past and present and you can read more about her journey here: http://www.jamiwitherell.com/.

 
In other news...my Mom is doing really well. We recently went on a family vacation to Grand Cayman and although she succumbed to a respiratory infection, she didn't let it keep her down. We swam with the stingrays and snorkeled with sharks and turtles and squid and even took a submarine ride to over 100 feet below the surface. It was a wonderful time of rest and relaxation and the best part was that she received news only weeks before that her PET scans were clear and she is currently cancer free! That has been a great weight lifted for our family.

Coming up in the life of Erin....my brother is getting married in less than a month and will be a Father in under 4 months. We are so excited for all these firsts for my family and even more excited that we will all be healthy and present to enjoy them.

Thank you for your love and continued support! Life really is a great gift and I'm thankful to share mine with you. Happy July!

Angelina Jolie & BRAC Testing

So today I posted this on FB:
"I rarely post anything "political" on FB, but I wanted to comment on Angelina Jolie's "news". I am so thankful to her and other "famous" women for sharing the choice to be BRAC tested and even go as far as having preventative surgery.
1/10 women will get breast cancer and an even higher rate will get it (before age 45) with a BRAC gene mutation. And even more with the mutation will suffer from ovarian cancer (much harder to detect and often terminal).
Testing showed that Angelina's chances of cancer were 87%+. Should she have waited to have to undergo surgery, chemo, radiation, etc or should she save herself and her family and 6 children the suffering and undergo the preventative actions?
Now I'm not advocating that all women chop off their boobs, but as someone with an elevated risk (27%) of having breast cancer, I am thankful to her for making a tough choice and sharing a story that will hopefully inspire women around the globe NOT to get surgery, but to get TESTED and know their situation and their options. It's nice when a celebrity uses their fame for something constructive. "

If you know me, you know strongly I feel about knowledge and testing and having all your information available to make the best decision. Now, I am a faithful People.com follower and love news about celebrities as much as the next girl, but often I am disgusted by what passes for "news". I don't often feel that we "deserve" to know every detail about a celebrity's divorce, or lunch menu or weight loss/gain. But I am a big believer that God allows things to happen to us to educate others. Angeline Jolie's story is one such situation. She is an international and humanitarian ambassador and her reach for "fame" and education far exceeds most human beings. The loss of her mother, gene testing, and the choice to have preventative surgery, give her a unique platform to educate. Just as Robin Roberts is a voice for the National Bone Marrow Registry, so is Angelina for BRAC testing and beast cancer preventative education.

I am sad that so many women in my family have endured the loss of part or all of their breasts due to this invasive disease. But because they have, I have met with doctors and done the research and understand my risks and the protocols I should take to prevent (as much as I can) getting the disease. Luckily, I am not in the same situation as Angelina and my risk is not a virtual certainty. But I have the information to protect myself and to educate those I love. For those who have not yet endured the heartache of cancer, chemo, radiation, surgery and recovery, take your boobs into your own hands and be proactive. You do not need BRAC testing unless you've had breast cancer while age 45 or younger or your mother or grandmothers have had breast or ovarian cancer. Men can be carriers so if a woman related to your Father has had either cancer, they should be tested to determine if their have the gene. If they do, then your Father should consider getting tested before insurance will likely cover your testing.

Educate, educate, educate.
Rant complete. :-)

Two Years Ago Today...

I was resting comfortably in my first hospital room at Hahnamann Hospital in downtown Philly. I absolutely cannot believe that two years have gone by so quickly.



I came home this morning from a weekend trip to Scranton, PA to visit some friends I've been missing and have some cuddle time with their new baby. When I checked the mail, I had a card from the Elske's. It was a get well card (I recently had some minor knee surgery) and inside was Charlotte's basketball picture. God is so good! That I received the card on the morning of my 2 year donation anniversary is just PERFECT timing. Charlotte even signed the card in her own hand.

Charlotte had her 2 year post transplant check-up last Thursday and her doctors said that she is doing "perfect, perfect." They told Amy and Lon that they should now be less concerned with relapse and more concerned for long term effects of the treatment which is such great news! She is really doing great. Playing team sports and going to school several days a week and being a wonderful big sister to Molly. This has been such a wonderful experience to be a part of and I'm so thankful for this opportunity.

Life, otherwise, is great. Nothing major or new to report. I just can't believe how quickly two years can go by and I'm very much looking forward to another opportunity to visit the Elske's (hopefully) this summer.

Happy March and enjoy the renewing that is Easter and Spring!
Erin

A New Year

Well, it's only been 4 months since my last post, but boy has life been busy!

I was traveling quite a bit for work and was even stranded in Florida for a few extra days thanks to Hurricane Sandy. Luckily, I was staying with some dear friends, so the stay wasn't all that bad. We had a wonderful girls weekend retreat in October with most of the ladies of my family in Arizona and I spent quite a bit of time in California during all the holidays. Here are the highlights:

1. My best friend gave birth to her first son, Liam and he is perfect! One of my favorite little people in the world. He was born just before Thanksgiving so I had the opportunity to see him on the ultrasound before he was born and then hold and snuggle him tons over Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just adore him and am so thankful to Stephanie and Mike for letting me be a part of his life!

2. My brother got engaged on New Years Day! It was not a huge surprise as he and Elizabeth have been together about a year and half, but we are so excited for all the fun times this year will hold with planning and preparing! They are a perfect match, and Kristen and I adore her as a new sister!

3. Charlotte has been doing wonderfully. She is in school and passed all her physicals and continues to progress as a normal 5 year old. She recently started basketball and according to her blog, she really likes it! I skyped with them last week and was able to see the whole family (including Broadway the dog) for about 30 minutes. It took Charlotte a few minutes to warm up, but Molly was on the desktop chatting and smiling away. The girls showed me many of their Christmas gifts and Charlotte even shared one of her favorite story books with me. She held the book up to the camera and then turned the page. It was such a treat! I email with Amy (Charlotte's Mom) at least once a week, so we didn't have too much new to talk about, but it was just wonderful to have some facetime with them. I miss them terribly!!!

4. Now for the not so happy news. In October, my Mom (Sherri) was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know what you're thinking, give the woman a break! But she handled it with grace and dignity. We were actually relieved if you can say that, that it wasn't the lymphoma. She was diagnosed with invasive ductile carcinoma and underwent a double mastectomy. The good news is that she did not need any further treatment. No radiation and no chemo. Radiation actually wasn't an option, which is why she went with the mastectomy, but luckily they caught it early. I was home over Thanksgiving to take care of her after her surgery and then she was good as new by Christmas. So we actually got to spend a little time together and even spent a night in the Presidential Suite at the Riverside Marriott! That was a treat!

Lucky for you, I'm writing this blog from work, so I won't let myself get too emotional, but it really has been a whirlwind few months. I think I have moments of such overwhelming emotions that I don't even know what to do with them. I cut and died my hair dark between Thanksgiving and Christmas because I just needed a change (and to do something for myself I think). I am so thankful for my Mom's health and just want it to last. It really makes me take stock of what I'm doing with my life and whether the time I'm putting in to unsatisfying endeavors is worth it. I swore I'd never move back to CA, but I find myself pondering it on a regular basis.

Do you ever feel like even though you're surrounded by people, you are alone? You are carrying so much weight, but it's your job and you're healthy, so suck it up, you can do it? Me too. Do you ever want more or different? Everyday, right? It's nice not to feel alone.

The geneticist says that although my Mom didn't have the BRAC gene mutation causing breast cancer, my sister and I have a 27% chance of getting breast cancer. That's 17% more than the average woman who is 1/10. So that's exciting! I'm pushing 32, single, no prospects, and now I have a 1/4 chance of losing my boobs to cancer. Fun fact for the day! :-)

So what do I do with all this information? ... I live. I live each day as if it's my last. Love every person so they remember. Invest in people and relationships every moment I can. All our days are numbered, and these challenges are just reminders that we can do so much with what we have. I challenge you to do the same.

Hopefully my next update won't be too far away...I think I may have a few more thoughts soon... Happy January!