Certainty?

 Why is it that when you want to sleep in (on a weekend) you can’t, but when you have to get up (workdays) you oversleep? I can’t seem to figure that one out. This morning, while my alarm was set for 8:51am (to hit the snooze [9minutes] once and then give me 1:15 hours to leisurely get to church), I promptly woke up at 7:45. I guess, since my usual alarm is 6:51am, that actually was sleeping in. So of course, I rolled over, grabbed my iPhone, and logged onto Facebook to see what I missed overnight.

My friend Kim (a cancer survivor) posted this New York Times article written by a neurosurgeon, recently diagnosed with lung cancer. (You can and should read the article here) The article hit me for several reasons and I had a few “cancer” and “numbered days” thoughts I wanted to share.

…”the certainty of death was easier than this uncertain life.”

This was his thought in response to wanting an answer on his lifespan post diagnosis. Most of us know that doctors won’t give you a number. Sometimes they won’t even give you a range, because they want to leave room for hope. Something most of us believes in, but when it comes to a crisis, we want answers, options, facts. But there is something comforting in the way this statement is worded. And also profoundly sad. Because isn’t death certain for all of us? Isn’t every day of our life uncertain, regardless of whether we have cancer, drive a car, or play with snakes? Even when my Mom received her diagnosis, we did the Google search and we learned that 60% of people with her cancer didn’t make it to 5 years (back then). But here we are, 7 years later and she’s going strong. Science is catching up. Faith is preserving will. And Hope has shattered walls.

“The path forward would seem so obvious, if only I knew how many months or years I had left.”

There is a Queen Latifah movie called The Holiday. I must admit I have not seen it, but the premise is, she’s given a terminal diagnosis, quits her job, spends all her money on trips and gifts, etc., only to find out the diagnosis was a mistake and now she has no job, no money, but she has her life. To her, her path seemed so obvious when she knew she only had a few months to live. Nothing else mattered but living life to the fullest and leaving nothing undone. When we’re given a deadline, it is much easier to set goals and accomplish them. You can see the finish line. You are sure to complete all the tasks and in such a way that they leave the mark you hope to leave. There is an element of control in the ability to plan.

But let’s be honest, how much control do we really have? Even with a terminal diagnosis, you could still have a heart attack, or be hit by a bus, or choke on that 6 layer chocolate cake you now eat for breakfast every day. Life happens outside of the schedule and order and plan we make.

What happens when we live our normal, healthy, undiagnosed days as if they were numbered? As if we only had months to live? What would we do differently? Would we watch less television? Would we exercise more or less? Would we call our parents (or our children) more? Would we dress differently? Volunteer more? Would we pray more? Would we sleep less? Listen to our music louder? Experiment in the kitchen? Check more things off our bucket list? Why should we wait to be told we’re dying to really start living?

“I began to realize that coming face to face with my own mortality, in a sense, had changed both nothing and everything.”

So here’s a newsflash. YOU ARE DYING. Your days are numbered.  Are you going to let it change nothing….or everything? There’s no stopping time so ask yourself, what is it I’ve done with this life and is there more left to do? The answer is YES!!!! So…..your death is certain, the path may be obvious, so make the changes. Speak up for what you want. Go after what you love. Fulfill your goals and dreams. And above all, be BRAVE!!