Magic

Science and medicine must have a little bit of magic. To make people feel better and to find ways to make them whole. I spent several nights and many hours at CHOP (Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania) last week with some friends of mine. Their little girl had brain surgery. She was born with a condition where her skull doesn't grow properly and only grows front to back, not side to side. In most cases, this condition does not cause a medical problem, but there is a 15% chance that an emergency could arise and she would have to have surgery. So instead of taking the risk, my friends decided to have the surgery now. It happens in 2 stages. The first, last week, consisted of removing the back portion of her skull and reshaping it before replacing it. In November, she will have the front half of her skull removed, reshaped and replaced. The doctors at CHOP are the best in the world and Zoey had no complications with her first surgery. That, is a little bit of magic.

I visited several times to keep my friends company and to watch and pray over Zoey. She turned 2 just a few weeks ago. And it didn't hit me until I was there the first night, seeing her head in bandages, arms in "braces" to keep her from pulling at the IVs, seeing a drain tube sewn into her skull, that this must be unimaginable for a parent. When I looked at 2 year old little Zoey, I saw LG. I felt the fear, helplessness, hope and love that her parents must have felt for months on end waiting for their little girl to get better. I felt closer to LG's parents than ever and I was again reminded of the "magic of medicine" that gives children like Zoey and LG a second chance at a normal, exciting, lease on life.

I am doing ok these days. Spending time at the hospital was actually very therapeutic. It's not a scary place to me anymore, especially after my own stay. It is a place that I feel at home, and I feel love all around. My friend Jodi suggested I be a "cuddler" in the nursery, and while I laughed, I actually think I might love volunteering in some capacity at a children's hospital. I looked into this briefly right after my donation, but I think after my work travel season is over, I may look into it much more seriously...especially if I move into the city where I'll be closer to the hospital.

Lately I've been questioning my purpose in life. Friend, daughter, sister...but wife? mother? When you can't see things right in front of you, usually it is easiest to doubt their existence or their potential to exist. I think it's because God still wants me to learn some things. What those things are change daily...maybe that's the point. Since my Mom's relapse, I continue to find myself unsettled. Reluctant to make long term plans or commit...even though she is doing great and seems to have quite a healthy road ahead of her. I think it's driven by fear. If I settle and become complacent, everything will get turned on it's head? Is sacrificing worth the wait? Probably not....it's the journey, not the destination. Maybe I need to get that as my next tattoo. hahaha. Maybe now I'll spend some time looking for a little magic in my everyday life.

Summer Lovin'

Happy August-is-Tomorrow!

It's been a little over a month and there is so much to update. Summer is hot! I do not like it. But I do like spending two weeks in the Caribbean. But why, when you're closer to the equator, is it actually cooler? Riddle me this. Hmmmm. I had a fantastic vacation away from work and life and spent so much sweet time with my family. 2 weeks is really the perfect amount of time to vacation. You have time to relax and explore and enjoy and feel ready to get back to life. We swam with dolphins and fish and stingrays and sharks. We pet turtles and rode jet skis and ate lots of incredible food. Oh, and there were games thrown in every night. I read 2.5 books and earned an incredible spf 50 tan. And I just really appreciated every moment I had. Vacation is necessary!

So, on Monday, July 18, we received some bad news. My Mom's cancer is back. Luckily, it is only stage 1, but it was the news that we've been dreading for 4 years. But really, there is much good news. She's responding incredibly well and quickly to treatment, she is maintaining her work/life schedule and now we are looking for a bone marrow donor. We always knew that this was on the horizon, we just hoped it wouldn't happen so soon. The great thing is that we've been through this process on the other side and hope that there is good karma out there, for a willing and eligible donor. This is going to change the face of this blog a bit. I still want to keep journaling because it's great therapy for me, and I hope it will help others going through similar situations.

In LG news, She is really doing fantastic! She is off many of her meds and is energetic and living life like any 3 year old should. I received a thank you card from the family. It was incredible to see their hand writing and read their words. The most touching thing they wrote was that they celebrated me on Mother's Day because I gave life to their little girl. I hope someday I can tell them how much that meant to me and how privileged I feel to have been given the opportunity to give them hope. The experience changed and strengthened me and I truly believe it will be a saving grace through this next chapter of my life with my Mom's cancer. There is a peace and an understanding that has come with the opportunity to donate that I know I wouldn't have had without it.

Our days are numbered, and only God knows how many, so take life by the horns and start living! You only get one life. NO regrets!

Happy August!

100+ Days

Happy June!

I received some fantastic news from LGII's Aunt yesterday...she is 100+ days post transplant and is doing "MARVELOUS". She has been off steroids for a few weeks now and they continue to lower her immune suppressing meds every couple of weeks. She has really rebounded incredibly. She did say that LGII lost all her blond baby hair and she is now a brunette! It's taking some getting used to for the family. LOL. I guess that DNA is pretty strong stuff. I did warn her to watch out for an insatiable desire to travel and for some sass. That must definitely be in the DNA...where else would I have gotten it from?! :-)

In other news, life is pretty good right now. I am absolutely blissful with my life in Philly. I've been getting out a few nights a week trying new restaurants and spending quality time with friends. I have had a lot of adventures including my cousins graduation in Santa Barbara a few weeks ago and visiting with work friends in DC. I even went to the (free) National Zoo in DC and they have 7 lion cubs! That was amazing to see. I am just at such a great place in my life and much of my positive attitude stems from this opportunity to share my life and my bone marrow. I am thankful for the opportunity to be blessed by this experience and for all that God has taught and continues to teach me.

On another note...I thought I would share some books I've been reading lately. For my book club, I read a book called Cutting For Stone. It was very long, but really good. It's about African doctors and even has some transplant stories in it. I really enjoyed reading about medicine in Africa in the 60's and 70's and even the growth of live donor transplants here in the US. It was fictional, but incorporated history as well. I also read The Hunger Games trilogy, which is graphic, but beautiful. It was a super quick read and I encourage anyone who likes action to pick it up. I'm currently reading Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. It is a book that I have wanted to read for a while, and am loving his advice and candor on the topic of living and dying. So many of us have been personally touched by cancer and I have really appreciated his outlook on life to remind me what is important in our short time here on Earth.

I plan to update again soon...Enjoy the first days of Summer!
Erin

Birthday Time!

Happy May! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...I've been out enjoying the beautiful weather and in the pool working off my post-surgery weight!

No recent updates on LG, but I am resting easy knowing that she headed home 1 month after the transplant cancer free! This means she's been home (I hope) for just over a month! I am so thankful that God allowed the opportunity for both of us. It was a healing process for us both.

So my 30th birthday is coming up in 1 week and I am so excited! My Mom on the other hand can't believe that she has a 30 year old daughter. She claimed that I was going to surpass her in age very shortly...but she's got the big 5-0 coming up next month and don't think for a moment I will let her forget it! She claims to be excited for every birthday she gets...but I know she is secretly a little spooked by the 1/2 century mark. I am sorry that I live 3,000 miles away and will not be able to pull off a super secret surprise party, but I did that for her 30th birthday, so it's someone elses turn this time!

I find that I have moments of questioning and worry about the future. Especially when it comes to wanting to make a difference and leave my mark on the world. I sometimes wonder what I've done to make the most of my time on Earth. So....I am keeping a list of things I am accomplishing in my 30th year. I think it's important to remind myself that although I still have some outstanding adventures (i.e. marriage and kids), there are quite a lot of adventures I have completed (and have planned). So far this year I have completed:
1. A 5k
2. A 10k
3. A successful bone marrow donation
4. Skiing some awesome slopes in Tahoe
5. And was a Maid of Honor for my best friend!

On the To Do List are:
1. Skydiving and
2. My 2 week vacation to the Caribbean. I've never been and I'm so excited to swim with sting rays and maybe dolphins too!

I'm also throwing myself a big Hollywood themed birthday party to celebrate with my friends! And I have friends coming from both coasts!

If there is one thing I've learned this year, it's that time is precious and I love celebrating time and those I care about. I can't wait to enjoy a 5-day weekend with so many I hold dear and celebrate life and the journey that has brought me to today. Enjoy your moments! Celebrate Life! Celebrate You!

Going Home!

LG II is being discharged from the hospital..."cancer free...healthy...and ready to have fun being a kid again!"

That was the email update I received today from her Aunt. Amazing what prayers and science can do! I am elated to hear that and so excited for both her and the family! She has been in the hospital almost every day since September 11th, that's over 200 days. And now, she get to go home, to her own bed and learn what it means to be a kid! And to think, she received her transplant 1 month ago today.

Such exciting and joyful news for a Friday! Please keep her in your prayers, but rejoice in this blessing!

One Month Has Passed...

And my stem cells have engrafted (taken) in LG's system!

I received an email this morning from my liaison at Be The Match telling me that LG is recovering well and will hopefully be discharged from the hospital soon. This is such fantastic news! Receiving this information earlier than expected has really placed a spring in my step today and I couldn't wait to share the news with all of you who have been on this journey with me.

I hope that my words describe what a life changing and positive experience this opportunity has been for me. I have never felt more alive, supported, encouraged, and strong in my faith than I do today. I firmly believe that we all have the power to change lives and I'm thankful for the opportunity to share this experience with you and encourage you to do the same.

It is a happy happy Thursday!

The Race of Life

Moral of the story...train for a 10k!

Last weekend I participated in a local 10k trail run. There were a couple reasons for this adventure: 1. It was my New Year's Resolution to complete a 10k by my 30th birthday. 2. I was hoping this run would inspire me to get back to working out/running more consistently.

Well...what I learned is that you should definitely train before a major exercise event. I also learned that there is nothing wrong with finishing last, as long as you finish. And I did. I ran the event by myself and talked myself through it. After the first mile, I was thinking, "Erin, what were you thinking? You are a crazy person!" Then I would think, "You are a healthy 29 year old woman who can do this. There is no reason you can't." I didn't stop once. I didn't sit down. I just kept walking and jogging. I kept thinking about all those who may not have the chance to accomplish this feat. I pushed myself to finish for those I hope will get the chance someday. I finished in 1 hour 46 minutes, but there is nothing wrong with finishing last.

I know I would have done better if I had more time to exercise. I know I would have done better if it was a flat course. I know I would have done better if...if...if. This is what was going through my mind after the race. But then I looked at my free arm warmers and the number 414 on my chest and I smiled to myself in my rear view mirror. You have to start somewhere. It only gets better from here.

I did have a moment during the run when I almost broke down. As I passed mile 4, the most I've ever done in a workout, I took a picture and I called my Mom. Now, it was only 7am California time, so I didn't expect her to answer, but I left her a panting voicemail notifying her of the accomplishment thus far and encouraging her to slap me from clear across the country if I ever express interest in running a 10k again. When I hung up the phone, it hit me. I always call my Mom first. She is always the first person I want to share things that happen in my life, either good or bad. What happens if a day comes when she isn't there? What if the cancer comes back? This reminded me to cherish the moments I do have to share with her and to continue to support the cancer cure efforts in every way I can.

My encouragement for you: Pick a thing on your bucket list and work towards accomplishing it. Whether you finish first or last, you will have accomplished it, and from personal experience I can guarantee that it is worth it. No one, and nothing (especially cancer) can take that away!