Positivity & Resolve

On Friday, I received an email letting me know my staph evaluation came back negative. I had no doubt since I've been healthy the entire time, but it's nice to have confirmation. I also received an email update from LGII's Aunt telling me that she is doing better than 99% of those who have received transplants in her home hospital. She is up, running around and playing as if she hasn't been sick. I have maintained my resolve and I have not read her family's blog, but it is wonderful to know that she is healing well; at least that she is having some positive, healthy, and fun filled time.

In writing today's words, I am reminded of the title of this blog: Our Numbered Days. How easy it is to forget that today is not a promise. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I feel like I spend so much of my time wondering when, how, where, and not enough remembering to be thankful for here and now. I am struggling to re-find the resolve and the peace I had before the surgery. That peace that I had that told me I was ready to live, or die, at any moment. Now I feel that part of me is back to the struggles of "what if I don't", and "how come I haven't". Sometimes, this is a dark place to be; sad; exhausting.

But then, through friends, prayer and scripture, I am reminded that our days are numbered and that God has a plan. I am learning to embrace these moments of doubt and turn them into peace. Look at my life and list the little miracles that God continues to perform everyday. I have come miles from where I started even 6 months ago, and that renews my excitement and resolve for what is forthcoming.

I want to be encouraging to those who may read this and know what I am feeling. The desire for a mended friendship, for love, for a baby, for a wedding. The desire to feel so close to something that you could get lost for days. The desire to provide for someone you love so they know no want. The hope that your life is not in vain and that you will have left a mark when your days are through. Know this, not one of us was put on this Earth without a purpose. Your purpose is being revealed a little bit everyday. Be patient, love yourself and allow the time and space for God to work. Because when it is revealed, you will know happiness beyond compare. Know that you are right where you are supposed to be. I know I am, and so far, I wouldn't change a thing.