Managing Expectations

A Noun, Not A Verb.

I am a reader. I read constantly and find few books that I actually hold on to. About 2 years ago, when I was dealing with a lot in my life, I stumbled across a book called The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young. It is a story of a man who's child was abducted and he could not reconcile his faith with forgiveness. What I liked most about the book was it's approach to God, religion, and forgiveness. It was outside the box and explored a relational experience with God as opposed to a rigid book of rules. The story is one of realization and healing through a frank and honest conversation with God in three forms. In chapter 14, Young explores the notions of responsibility and expectations. Here are some excerpts I'd like to share.

God makes words nouns, e.g. respond and expectancy
Humanity turns them into verbs: responsibility and expectations

(Written as if said from God):
My words are alive and dynamic - full of life and possibility; yours are dead, full of law and fear and judgment. That is why you won't find the word responsibility in the Scriptures. ... Let us use the example of friendship. If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. ... an expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else.
But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation'? Suddenly law has entered into our relations. You are expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. ... It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend. ...The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future of the outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result.

Sooner or later, that friend will fail your expectations. What emotions does this evoke?

I knowingly and unknowingly place expectations on everyone in my life at some time or another. When I call someone, I expect them to answer. When I speak to someone, I expect them to listen. When I care about someone, I expect them to receive it. But what happens when I leave those expectations at the door and hope that someone answers and listens. I receive joy. I am thankful in that moment that a connection is made and appreciate it. Without expectations, I will always find joy and I will not be disappointed in myself or others because I am thankful for whatever occurs in the now.

As I get closer to the date of donation and I allow relationships to come and go as they are, I feel a sense of peace about residing in the moment. I cannot control the actions of others, and by trying to with expectations, I am hurt in the process. I am encouraged to release the expectation of curing LG, and instead live in the moment and appreciate the opportunity I have been provided; to offer hope and the potential of healing. I will find joy in the pure opportunity to offer something and allow both God and medicine to work through that gift.

I encourage you to move through your day monitoring your expectations. When you find them (and you will), I encourage you to take the judgment and control from the situation and be present to experience what that moment has planned for you. Just be. Soak it up. Honor yourself and you will find a peace you may not have experienced in a long time.